I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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