Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize