WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize