I think im going to throw up on grandma
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
