stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
you never un-have a 4some
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
