Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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