He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
