dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
