I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
