i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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