Kiss
Puke
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
It's rum buckets o'clock
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
