i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
