i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
