Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
