and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize