I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
