When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
