I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
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