Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
