I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
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I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
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Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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