I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The uberlube is also flammable
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
