I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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