The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
