He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
