I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
