it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
