so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
