Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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