Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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