Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
