This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
