I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
