I'm so fucking centered right now
Tell her she can't have a vagina
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
