I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sex in a hospital.. check
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
