With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
whose ass print is on the piano?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
