Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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