Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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