tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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