Don't make out with my wife yet
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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