I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
