Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
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I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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