The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
