theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
