Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
