Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
