i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Randomize
