GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
