I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
