i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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