I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
