They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
