yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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