Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
