Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
