I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
