3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
