whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
