If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
