I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
