My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
