I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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