Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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